


Always Swimming In Colder Lakes

by Anonymous



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff, Jealousy, M/M, Toxic Masculinity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-14
Updated: 2005-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26195782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Written for a challenge. It required an original holiday, the use of the words cider, hedonism and exorcism, the line "only a very wicked person would force a dreadful pair of pants on the legs and the lower torso of somebody else."
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 5
Collections: Anonymous





	Always Swimming In Colder Lakes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a challenge. It required an original holiday, the use of the words cider, hedonism and exorcism, the line "only a very wicked person would force a dreadful pair of pants on the legs and the lower torso of somebody else."

Purple. And _Slimy_. He, Sirius Black—god of Gryffindor, king of pranks, co-founder of the Marauders, captain of rule-breaking, he who brought new meaning to the word _detention_ —was purple and slimy. Something was very wrong with this picture.

“JAMES!! I blame you!” he cried indignantly, pointing an accusatory finger at his also slimy and purple counterpart.

James blinked, trying to clean off his glasses. “What do you mean you blame me? This is all your fault! You didn’t cast the proper charm on it, did you? Now look at us!”

“I thought you were supposed to!” Sirius hissed, trying not to draw more attention than already was focused on the two at this moment. _The Slytherins are going to have a field day if this gets out._

“No. And it was your idea at any rate, so it’s doubly your fault,” James replied, trying to wipe of the slime with the nearest available thing, which seemed to be the Common Room couch.

“Well you didn’t stop me! You know you’re supposed to stop me when I get ideas! Everyone knows that,” Sirius said, and struggled out of his now very damp and sticky shirt, as did James, followed by a sigh from half of the Gryffindor population who were watching the scene.

“No that’s Moony’s job. I get to say, “Great, let’s do it.” I’m inn-”

“So were blaming this on me now?” a quiet, mocking voice interrupted. Sirius and James both looked at Remus who was standing just inside the crowd of onlookers. He walked a little closer and whispered impishly, trying to hide his amusement, “You do know you’re stripping down in the middle of the Common Room.” The Gryffindor girls seemed to be enjoying it.

They both looked around for a minute before they shrugged and headed up to their dorm. They considered themselves above shame for such things anyways. **Rule #228 in the Marauder’s Handbook: Any display of normally clothed areas of manliness was entirely natural and could only be better for the general populace.** Of course Remus would never follow this and Peter didn’t either, but James and Sirius made such a point of exercising it that it wasn’t necessary.

As he made his way up the stairs, Sirius glanced back to see if Remus had followed them, and to his relief he hadn’t. Why that should matter though, he was unsure—after all, Remus had very brown eyes. Wide and brown with all those little flecks in them. And they always looked smart, and nice. Really nice, very brown, eyes.

“Sirius. Siiiiiirius,” James said, waving his hand in front of his face, “Snap out of it.”

“What?” Sirius said suddenly alert, and trying to look everything was normal. _I have no reason to be thinking about Remus’ nice brown—no, no! his eyes. Just his eyes and how somehow they redeem him from me not wanting him to follow? Yeah..._

“Spaciness. Never a good sign. You’re getting more unhinged by the moment,” James said gravely.

“Sod off,” was all Sirius had the energy to reply with, before heading off to have a shower. Purple slime on _him_ was not his idea of humour.

*******

There was a collective snicker from the entire Hogwarts populace when the Marauders entered the Great Hall. A little bit of whispering continued as they made their way to the Gryffindor table. James gave a little shake of his head before sitting down, and Sirius glowered. Pranks were not supposed to go wrong, and when they did, not publicly. **Rule #8 in the Marauder’s Handbook: Idiocy is required. Screwing up is not an option.**

He was about to pour himself some pumpkin juice, before realising it was entirely the wrong colour. He sniffed it carefully, smelling cinnamon and something vaguely like a burnt bittersweet sugar smell. “What is this stuff?” he asked Remus, who was sitting across from him.

“’S apple cider,” Remus replied, looking up. “Muggle stuff.”

“And we would be drinking it at Hogwarts because?”

“Probably because it’s fall, it’s a seasonal thing. I think there might be some Muggle sort of holiday for it.”

“And?” Sirius replied. Remus just shrugged. Sirius shifted his food on the plate with his fork for a moment, before adding, “Why would anyone have a holiday for cider?”

“Because they can, I suppose. People have holidays for anything they want, no matter how useless. We could have a Sirius Asks Stupid Questions Day if we wanted, except it already exists every day so there’s no point.”

“Hey!” Sirius exclaimed, punching Remus’ shoulder. Remus just looked at him with a coy smile, which for some reason made Sirius feel very squeamish and happy at the same time. After a few seconds, he realized he had been staring at Remus with a very idiotic grin on his face, while Remus wasn’t even looking. He quickly looked down at his plate, appetite slightly lost.

*******

It was November, with the leaves mostly fallen from their trees, and a generally dull mood had come over Sirius. The wind today was cold enough to discourage the bravest person to go outside—this of course coming from the boy who went outside in December on a dare last year completely starkers. James was busy wooing Lily, Remus was god-knows-where, and so Sirius and Peter were left trying to amuse themselves. Peter was currently sitting on his bed, swinging his feet a little, while Sirius looked mopily out the window.

“We could get some dungbombs and attack the Slytherins,” Peter suggested apprehensively.

“No. ‘M not in the mood,” Sirius mumbled looking gloomier than ever.

“Well that’s a first,” Peter quipped.

“Pfffft,” was all Sirius could muster. _It really is a first._

There was another very long silence, before Peter said, “So, um…something bothering you?” He was very out of practice with this sort of thing, because of **Rule #31 in the Marauder’s Handbook: Any prolonged talk of feelings is unmanly in nature and therefore not practised by Marauders. Heart-to-heart discussions are reserved for effeminate men.** This rule having only been broken twice in its history, once for “The Incident” and once for when Sirius ran away from home. Peter therefore had to be very careful about toeing the line between Marauder-ism and Unmanliness.

“Maybe a little,” Sirius replied, much to his own surprise. He had planned on saying, ‘No, not a thing. I’m fine. How about those dungbombs then?’

“Okay,” Peter said slowly, still trying to step around the line, “so um, what over then? You’re acting like James did after every time Lily refused to go out with him.” Sirius looked up, arching an eyebrow in question.

“Is that it?!” Peter suddenly exclaimed, sure he finally knew something no one else did. “Do you fancy some girl?”

“What? Me, trying to tie myself down to one girl. Pining like Prongs? Honestly Pete!” Sirius nearly yelled, somehow scared by the thought of being that keen after…anyone.

“Just thought I’d ask,” Peter replied with a shrug.

“M’not in love,” Sirius said firmly, but warily—more to himself than anything. _I’m not in love._ Maybe he needed an exorcist to come and drive whatever evil spirit was obviously occupying him right now, making him stand down even in the prospect of a prank. _Could Moony perform exorcisms? He’s smart enough,_ Sirius thought. He was starting to wonder if Remus could do a lot of things. He was starting to think about Remus too much. _Where is he anyways?_ followed by _I’m not in love._

“Alright then,” Peter replied, still feeling he had one up on Sirius. He was going to try and press the subject, but at that moment, James came crashing into the room and proclaimed more vows of his undying love for Lily while Sirius tackled him and called him a complete girl, which ended the conversation.

*******

April hadn’t brought the sunniest of weather, but this particular day was absolutely brilliant and Sirius wanted nothing more than to go for a good long swim in the lake, no matter how chilly. Lacking proper forethought, when he reached the lake he realized he wasn’t wearing swimming trunks or any other sort of swimming apparel including a towel.

Being the king of rash ideas however, he just decided to shed his shirt and trousers, regardless of how soaked he’d be when he got out. He counted to three, before running straight into the lake, trying not to think about how cold it was going to be. **Rule #145 in the Marauder’s Handbook: Ye who would be a Marauder must be willing to do daring things regardless of temperature.**

As soon as he hit the water though, he realized this may have been more stupid than daring. “Shit, this is cold!” he shouted, “fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck!”

“You realised this was a bad idea now?” a voice came from the shore. Standing there, shivering slightly from the wind, was Remus.

“Moony what are you doing out here?” Sirius asked alarmed, before remembering that as a Marauder he must act cool and aloof at all times when in comprimising situations, which included making a total arse of oneself voluntarily.

“James and Peter sent me to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid. Guess I was a little late,” Remus replied, still smiling that cheeky smile, the one that Sirius was beginning to hate inwardly for several-reasons-which-he-denied-existed.

“Stupid? I’m just enjoying myself here in this wonderfully warm lake, swimming about, relaxing. I could stay here forever, just doing nothing!”

“If I didn’t know that prolonging staying in that lake is more torture than anything, I’d call you a hedonist,” Remus mocked.

“And there’s something wrong with that?”

Remus smile became a little wider and more genuine for a moment, and Sirius hated that smile more than he hated the other. Except he liked that he provoked it. Remus smiled like that for him only. He’d been watching. _Wait, wait! No I Haven’t. At ALL. Ever, if not occasionally._ “Just get out of the water and put some trousers on or something Sirius.”

“And what if I don’t want to?” Sirius replied, dragging this out as long as he could, regardless of the water which _Bloody has to be under 0 degrees right now._

“Then I’ll do it for you.”

“Ah, but only a very wicked person would force a dreadful pair of trousers on the legs and the lower torso of somebody else. And you, as we all know, are too saintly for that,” said Sirius with utmost solemnity.

“I was talking about the getting out of the water bit. I am not your mother and thus having nothing to do with your jeans.”

“Shame, I hear a lot of people are interested in them,” Sirius replied as he got out of the water and put his clothes back on. In his head he was entirely-not-thinking of how he completely-never-ever-possibly-in-no-way-and-by-no-means-even contemplated Remus’ jeans. Clothes in general. Or lack of them. He most entirely did not.

*******

It was early May now and the ‘Moony Issue’ was beginning to become a bit of a problem. Sirius was started to get some signs he couldn’t ignore, and the ones he had tried to ignore before became more apparent. He tried to blame it on a million different things, but it was not working.

What was even worse was that it was starting to be shown in his outward actions. He kept trying to look the other way, but eventually he’s just go back to watching Remus out of the corner of his eye. He also began staring off into space for long periods of time, with that terrible idiotic smile he knew he had. He kept imagining things he really, really knew he shouldn’t have.

Worst was probably the possessiveness. Each time a girl so much as talked to Remus—let alone batted her eyelashes and all those girl things—Sirius wanted to take her aside and yell at her. And then do the same to Remus, except more pleasantly. _There is definitely something wrong with me. So wrong._

He had taken to dodging Remus if he could. If his own self would let him, that is. Because for the same reason he was staring at Remus, thinking about Remus all the time, and jealous— _Not jealous. Not jealous at all. **Protective.** That’s it. They don’t deserve to talk to my Moony_—a part of him also wanted to spend almost every waking (and sleeping) moment with Remus. The wiser side of him seemed to be fighting a very drawn out, but losing battle.

Therefore, when they decided to go forage the kitchen for some food, Sirius volunteered to go with Remus, against his better judgement. They were halfway there, just going through the Fourth corridor hall, when the conversation took a turn that Sirius very much did not like.

“I was talking to Helen Finnegan yesterday, and…” Remus began, but was cut off by a half-strangled yelp by Sirius. Helen had been spending far too much time around Remus lately. “Something wrong Sirius?” Remus asked, stopping and generally being entirely too close to Sirius for Sirius’ own comfort. At least his smarter half’s.

“N-no. Not at all. I’m fine,” Sirius said, trying to master control of his voice, which seemed to be jumping octaves at the moment.

Seizing his arm, Remus stepped even closer and looked at him with such defensiveness, that Sirius was afraid he would die from melting-ness and horror right there. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

That was the farthest thing from the truth right now. Especially since all Sirius could think of was _Remus’ hand is on my arm_ and _My pulse is going about ten million beats a second, skipping included_ and _His hand, my arm_ and _So incredibly close_ and _So incredibly I can’t_ and _I really want to die._ Which he might, if he didn’t take a breath in the next few seconds.

Sirius couldn’t think of what to say, partially because he was so paralysed from the fact that he was so very close to Remus, and Remus was looking so directly at him, and _his hand is on my arm._ But furthermore, he was pretty sure there was some unwritten rule on this.

In **The Book of Unmentionable things that are so Unmentionable that the Book does Not even exist because a Marauder could Not even Think Them, Rule #1 was: Don’t fall in love with your Moony.** Which Sirius had to admit, he had. And instead of telling Remus that he loved him—because there was no possible way he could, even without the rules—he replied with a half-hearted, “There’s nothing.”

Remus dropped his hand and got that distant look in his eye, as if once again his friend didn’t trust him, or did something harmful to him, or all the things that Sirius could do to make Remus get hurt, like Sirius always did. “Fine,” he mumbled, and headed on his way.

All Sirius could think was _No not that look! Never that look!_ and _Dammit Remus, I just can’t tell you!_ and _I’m sorry_ and _PLEASE don’t do that to yourself_ and _I can’t tell you!_ and _You can’t know!_ and _It’s not like I don’t bloody trust you_ and _Please_ and _FUCK! Merlin damn it all to a bloody bloody HELL!_

He didn’t even follow Remus to the kitchens, he just went back to the dormitory—storming through the Common Room and claiming he had a headache when James intercepted him—and went and shut his curtains around his bed while he spent the next few hours basking in self-hate.

*******

Finally the dreaded month of June had arrived. Full of N.E.W.T.s and thoughts of future careers and the breaking of friendships. By now Sirius had fully resigned himself to the fact that he had to say _something_. It was a question of when and how, but Sirius knew that if he didn’t sometime, he would probably explode. And what was worse really? Having Moony hate him, or having Moony pick up whatever tiny little pieces of Sirius that lay on the ground? Actually the second option was starting to sound appealing.

He decided to leave it off until the N.E.W.T.s were over, just so that he could focus— _well, more than I could if Remus hated me anyways._ However, he became so stressed from the added pressure that James himself brought Sirius to Madam Pomfrey—the new school nurse—for something to calm him down. James who was so wrapped up with Evans that he wouldn’t have felt a bludger if it hit him in the face.

After two very long weeks, Sirius finally worked up the nerve. It was the morning after their final exam, a particularly nasty Arithmancy one, and Sirius was the only one up. He quietly tiptoed over to Remus bed and sat on the end of it, poking Remus awake.

“Hmmnnmmnn,” Remus groaned, opening his eyes very slightly. “Wha? Siri-ush? Wha’r-u doing ‘ere?” he asked groggily, giving him a few seconds before sitting up. Groaning again as his back cracked.

Sirius decided to ignore the fact that right now he wanted to watch Remus forever like this, half-awake with the early morning sun shining and lighting his hair. Instead he said quite properly, “I had to tell you what day it is.”

“You got me up to tell me what day it is? You couldn’t have waited until later? I’m going back to sleep until a decent hour,” Remus replied dryly, and fell back down to the pillow, closing his eyes. Sirius leaned over him and pulled his soft—beautiful hair.

“Ow! Okay then,” Remus said, and climbed out of his covers and sat on top of them, kneeling in front of Sirius, much like Sirius was doing at the moment. “There, see, I’m up! Now what day is it?”

“It’s a holiday,” Sirius said very solemnly.

“And which might that be?” Remus said, trying to figure out what Sirius was on about.

“It’s Moony Day,” Sirius replied.

“And who all might be celebrating this holiday?” Remus asked, remembering they had joked about this once, in what seemed so short a time ago in October.

“Just us. No one else deserves too,” Sirius said lightly.

“Not even James or Peter?” All Remus got was a shake of Sirius’ head. “Okay then. So. Are there presents on Moony Day?” Sirius nodded his head. “Wait, there are actual presents on Moony Day?” Remus said incredulously.

“Quite naturally,” Sirius said as he got out the box he had been hiding behind his back. It was terribly wrapped and had a rather floppy bow, but that was beside the point. Remus looked a little shocked that Sirius had actually planned this out. He slowly unwrapped the box before getting a gleam in his eye when he saw what it was.

“Chocolate, Padfoot? Thanks,” Remus said staring down covetously at the box of Honeydukes’ best.

“There’s more,” Sirius said abruptly, finally ready to get to the point.

“More?”

“Ye-well, it’s not really a pres—but I mean it’s like—well it’s—have I ever—no, no I haven’t—well um I just wanted…wanted to say that, uh…I’minlovewithyou,” Sirius said awkwardly and rushed, half-wishing that Remus hadn’t heard it.

But he had, as evidenced by the dreadful word, “Oh.”

“Oh what?” Sirius asked uneasily, worried that Remus might hex him or hate him or anything along those lines.

“Oh, well that’s good then,” Remus finished.

“WHAT? But, you don’t hate me?” Sirius exclaimed loudly, and rather thankful that James and Peter could sleep through anything.

“Far from it Sirius, very far.” And he was smiling that smile again, the Sirius-only one.

“Oh. Well that’s good then,” Sirius said very faintly. “I suppose I should tell you, your other present is on the bottom of the box.” Remus turned it over slowly and nearly dropped it the moment he saw. On the box was a little marker-drawn scribbly-looking heart.

Sirius Black, the boy who abode by every rule in the Marauder book, the very book that preached utmost cool and un-sappiness, had drawn that. It took about two seconds for Remus to let it sink in what it meant before abruptly grabbing Sirius by the back of the neck and kissing him.

Sirius decided, that though it was awkward and clumsy, and all manner of those sorts of things, it was probably about the best feeling in the world. Ever. More than pranks, more than Quidditch, more than hexes, or marauding, this was infinitely better than all those. And the future was looking like it would be filled with many more kisses like this.

When they pulled back, just a little for breath, Sirius whispered across Remus’ lips, “And there's one more, kind of small, well not small thing. But it doesn't have to mean anything! But, well, I was wondering…you know how you said you were planning to stay with your parents until you could find a job and afford a flat of your own and all.”

“You were wondering if I might move in with you instead?” Remus cut him off, as he played a little with a lock of Sirius’ hair. “Yes, Sirius I will,” and once again closed the distance between them.

**The one thing they never tell you in all those rule books and guidelines, is that loving your Moony is heaven, and nothing is wrong about it.**


End file.
